Six months ago today, I had surgery to remove an “aggressive
but benign” tumor from the C5 to T3 section of my spinal cord. In other words,
most of my neck. I had expected to
be in the hospital a week or two and be hobbling around in time for Christmas.
However, the expensive MRI failed to show how extensive the tumor was on the
right side of my spinal column. I spent the next two months in the Shepherd
Center followed by three weeks of Shepherd’s day program, and now I’m
undergoing home therapy twice a week. I’m not walking yet, but I am starting to stand. In honor of
my unexpected medical journey, here are some highlights from the last six
months.
· * November 25, the worst night of my life. I recommend not being admitted to the
hospital the night before Thanksgiving. The depression is intense. I was
strapped onto a gurney and left alone for a few minutes? seconds? in the lobby
and I honestly thought I was going to die there. I was a broken piece of meat stuffed with needles, tubes,
and medications. Most heartbreaking of all: I couldn’t figure out the TV remote
in my new room.
· * Watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on
Valium is highly recommended.
· * Nurse: What do you do for fun Me: Improv Nurse: Yeah, we don’t have anything like that
here.
· * Every therapist at Shepherd is attractive. Most
of them have seen me naked.
· * Mike King’s first visit. He was the loudest
voice on the entire floor and I love him for it. I’ll never forget his
motivational speech about "kicking that tumor's ass."
· * Gil’s first visit. He broke his hand at home
later that night. We compared therapies for weeks.
· * Mike ran all over town to get flowers and other
things for Marnye’s birthday, which we celebrated in the cafeteria.
· * Playing with Clabo’s new drone in my room on
Christmas Eve. The charge nurse came in my room because of all the raucous
carrying on. Clabo and Marnye looked like they had been busted by their
parents.
· * While suspended in the air over my hospital bed,
I reenacted the ball drop on New Year’s Eve.
· * Getting one of the last nude Playboy issues as a
gag gift then realizing security had been guarding it for hours before it was
delivered to my room.
*+*Belated Christmas with my family. Force Awakens Wrapping Paper.
· * Video game therapy while playing Rock Band. Our
lead singer hated talking let alone singing.
· * The realization that a vampy, sultry nurse who
sees me naked is good friends with a Village Theatre company member. Hooray for HIPAA!
· * Falling onto the floor my first week home.
Naked.
· * Seeing The Force Awakens the last weekend it was
in theaters.
· * Nearly falling out of my wheelchair onto Ponce twice.
The last time was in front of a MARTA bus. The driver shook his head.
· * Upon seeing my new svelte frame, a friend said, “You look hot except for the wheelchair.”
· * Returning to Village Theatre for my first improv
show in months. I entered/exited the stage on a ramp at a convenient 80- degree angle.
· * Standing at the kitchen sink with my home therapist.
The cat was so intrigued by the excitement, he crawled in the sink.
****Belated Thanksgiving with my VT family.
· * Figuring out the TV remote.
